5 guys tell us some of their craziest moments in school

You read from the ladies now the guys. Cred: partyjollof.com
Schools in Nigeria is everything from manual labour to punishments, and first love. These guys are telling us some of their craziest moments.

When the fence jumping goes spiritual. – Oshomah
Here is one.  Been jumping fence to scale morning labour at my hostel everyday (everyday for the thief).

That’s how one day when I was about jumping very early, I started receiving slaps from no where (one day for the owner). At first I thought it was an evil spirit because I never expected it, but when the slaps continued it became very clear who it was.

The house prefect was using my face for table tennis practice. I spent the whole day serving all manners of punishment and being flogged with cutlass and planks from any visiting senior (and the prefect had a lot of friends) while my mates were playing throughout because it was the period after exams when there was nothing to do in school.

The Al-Capone of exam dubs. – Toye
Started an underground exam questions dealing ring with my best friend after the office assistant developed a peverted crush on her. She promised him after exams so he kept feeding us with exam question drafts. We would go to another friend’s mother’s shop to photocopy and redistribute to other students before the day of the exams with solutions. Everything went well. We expanded the business and got more smart hands involved. Until one idiot came into the exam hall with both the exam question draft photocopy and the solutions we had our handwriting on. She was caught and the rest is history. Long story short we nearly died.


Where the puff puff love began. – Steve
My first crush ever. She agreed we go to the toilet together. And she had quite very big boobs.  I pressed and squeezed… It must have been a big puff puff. Because now I love puff puff so much.

Everyday for the thief. – Edwin
When I was in JS3, we jumped the fence two weeks before exams started to go eat mangoes at a sugar cane farm. The mango trees were planted to create shade for the irrigated farms and everyone was allowed to pluck and eat the fruit but forbidden from stealing sugarcane. One of our friends decided to steal several sugar canes while we were on the trees, not just any one, the juiciest ones, and the farmer spotted him and called his sons to catch us. They pulled out cutlasses and gave us the longest chase of my life. They chased us for one hour straight, at some point I contemplated jumping into a lake that separated the farm from River Kaduna, my school was on the other side, even though I couldn’t swim then. Eventually we finally out ran them.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea. – Lekan
I was scaling labour hiding in a very tiny store. Then a little snake just crawled into where I was hiding, and my God, I think I’d stay with a lion instead of a snake. I hate snakes. But just as I was about to take off, I peeped and saw our labour prefect patrolling. Boy, I told myself, boy, if you get bitten, you’ll scream for help and get rushed to the sickbay and it will be over with. But if the Labour Prefect gets you, its over mehn. You’re dead. So the snake understood my condition and left me.

First crush, porn, gay sex,…5 women share their craziest school stories (Partyjollof.com)

Brace yourselves people
Has to be breaking into the kitchen one night to steal food, we really took bread and eggs and yams. Stuff for breakfast the next morning sha. I was the dining hall prefect and the matrons called us the next morning to ask if we saw anything, had to unlook.

Lights go out at 10pm, we waited till midnight, armed with stuff to cut through the net and remove louvres.

There was a shortage the next morning, even as we fed fat.

Friends for life – Nneka

Cooking with my friends and almost getting caught. Someone snitched and my day student friend was caught with the spaghetti and condiments at the gate. My friends weaved a lie that involved the day student’s mother.
The woman came to school and lied for us and said she was the one that sent her daughter to buy spaghetti. The principal then asked how come there was only one Maggi and half pack of matches.

The woman sha left us to our fate at that point because she said she didn’t know how. Then the day student said she had to bring us into the wahala because she was gonna face the disciplinary committee. One of my friends decided to face the disciplinary committee on behalf of the rest of us because my mum was an executive in the PTA and our other friend had really old parents. At the end of the day, my friend said she decided to buy the Maggi for Food and Nutrition practical. Then they gave her one large grass portion to cut. All of us cut it together.

Long story short, they did not de-board me.

When the crush dreams get crushed – Anu

Went for Saturday lesson one time like that wearing my sister’s jeans. They were super tight but I didn’t care, I wanted to impress my crush.

All was well during the lesson. However, on my way home, just outside the school gate, I fell. And my jeans tore.

Even worse? I looked up and saw my crush pointing and laughing.

My sister didn’t even know I left the house in her jeans.
Double wahala.

Senior don’t teach me nonsense – Cece

I was ill in school. It started after dinner and I was immediately dispatched to the dispensary. By the time they were done giving me drugs and stuff it was already prep time.
The person with me told the house captain so that she could open the hostel for me to rest. I can’t remember all the details because I was really sick and my eyes were closed. When I lay down, she put my hair in my check and started touching me. And she was smiling like a fucking creep all the while. I was really drowsy but I finally turned over and she left me. The weirdest thing was I think there was someone else with her but I don’t know if she knew anything happened.

What in God’s earth is mojo? – Lara

It was in JSS3, I was about 11 or 12 – I genuinely cannot recall. Our school had just built this amazing computer lab for the students and it had a massive projector. My classmates and I were really excited about the projector; many of us were just seeing one for the first time.

We had a free period once and decided to test out the projector on our own, Faruk suggested watching ‘mojo’. I had no idea Mojo was a slang for porn back then, so I kept on bugging Faruk to tell me what it was. “Faruk, what is Mojo? Faruk show me Mojo now.”

Even after the period, I was desperate to know what it was and why he was so excited about the class projecting it. He’d be with friends and I’d casually shout “Faruk, when are we watching mojo now?” All his guys would laugh. Once, he was with a senior and I screamed “Faruk, you said you will show me mojo!”

The following week he got super pissed that I was bugging him to watch mojo and finally said he’d show me (probably to shut me up). I was so excited when he pulled out his laptop, I remember saying, “Yes, finally we are going to see mojo.” He pressed play and I got the shock of my life, it was my first time watching porn too.

I think I cried. He still calls me mojo.

First crush, porn, gay sex,…5 women share their craziest school stories (Partyjollof.com)

Brace yourselves people
Has to be breaking into the kitchen one night to steal food, we really took bread and eggs and yams. Stuff for breakfast the next morning sha. I was the dining hall prefect and the matrons called us the next morning to ask if we saw anything, had to unlook.

Lights go out at 10pm, we waited till midnight, armed with stuff to cut through the net and remove louvres.

There was a shortage the next morning, even as we fed fat.

Friends for life – Nneka

Cooking with my friends and almost getting caught. Someone snitched and my day student friend was caught with the spaghetti and condiments at the gate. My friends weaved a lie that involved the day student’s mother.
The woman came to school and lied for us and said she was the one that sent her daughter to buy spaghetti. The principal then asked how come there was only one Maggi and half pack of matches.

The woman sha left us to our fate at that point because she said she didn’t know how. Then the day student said she had to bring us into the wahala because she was gonna face the disciplinary committee. One of my friends decided to face the disciplinary committee on behalf of the rest of us because my mum was an executive in the PTA and our other friend had really old parents. At the end of the day, my friend said she decided to buy the Maggi for Food and Nutrition practical. Then they gave her one large grass portion to cut. All of us cut it together.

Long story short, they did not de-board me.

When the crush dreams get crushed – Anu

Went for Saturday lesson one time like that wearing my sister’s jeans. They were super tight but I didn’t care, I wanted to impress my crush.

All was well during the lesson. However, on my way home, just outside the school gate, I fell. And my jeans tore.

Even worse? I looked up and saw my crush pointing and laughing.

My sister didn’t even know I left the house in her jeans.
Double wahala.

Senior don’t teach me nonsense – Cece

I was ill in school. It started after dinner and I was immediately dispatched to the dispensary. By the time they were done giving me drugs and stuff it was already prep time.
The person with me told the house captain so that she could open the hostel for me to rest. I can’t remember all the details because I was really sick and my eyes were closed. When I lay down, she put my hair in my check and started touching me. And she was smiling like a fucking creep all the while. I was really drowsy but I finally turned over and she left me. The weirdest thing was I think there was someone else with her but I don’t know if she knew anything happened.

What in God’s earth is mojo? – Lara

It was in JSS3, I was about 11 or 12 – I genuinely cannot recall. Our school had just built this amazing computer lab for the students and it had a massive projector. My classmates and I were really excited about the projector; many of us were just seeing one for the first time.

We had a free period once and decided to test out the projector on our own, Faruk suggested watching ‘mojo’. I had no idea Mojo was a slang for porn back then, so I kept on bugging Faruk to tell me what it was. “Faruk, what is Mojo? Faruk show me Mojo now.”

Even after the period, I was desperate to know what it was and why he was so excited about the class projecting it. He’d be with friends and I’d casually shout “Faruk, when are we watching mojo now?” All his guys would laugh. Once, he was with a senior and I screamed “Faruk, you said you will show me mojo!”

The following week he got super pissed that I was bugging him to watch mojo and finally said he’d show me (probably to shut me up). I was so excited when he pulled out his laptop, I remember saying, “Yes, finally we are going to see mojo.” He pressed play and I got the shock of my life, it was my first time watching porn too.

I think I cried. He still calls me mojo.

China has banned seductive eating of Banana

Nope. You can no longer take Banana till you go yo in China.


According to CCTV news, in an attempt to clamp down on inappropriate and erotic content online, Chinese streaming services have recently banned the people filming themselves eating bananas “erotically”.

And we’re just like.


Since China are about the bye-bye-to-banana-porn life, we decided to suggest a few more things they can ban.

1. Like the seductive drinking of milk.

Because, when you take milk away from babies, it becomes adult content.

2. Pizza has to go too.

Because Pizza is wet, cheesy, and does great things to the mouth.

3. Apples have to go too.

Because apples are about the size of oranges, and you know what people say about women and these things.

4. Have you seen the way some people lick ice cream? Going.

Just so the kids don’t learn bad stuff.

5. Can this list be complete without lollipops? Hell no.

This one is so critical Lil Wayne made a song about it.

6. Nope. No way we are keeping water melons.

Just because a lot of men kiss like this.

7. Aha! To the big one, can we just ban people too?

Since he’s eating himself. That would just make the job extremely easy, and we won’t even have to be here to do all of these.

There you have it, we just did China’s for them, free of charge
. Okay Uncle China, can you tell us the nature of the deal you had with Buhari now?

Thanks. While you’re at it, we’ll be here waiting with our sugarcane.
cred: Partyjollof

If you are single (and tired of being,) this Twitter thread is all you need (Partjollof.com)

One of the biggest struggles in this life for many young people is the relationship status things.


But someone on Twitter decided to start a thread to ‘help out':

And the responses were outright hilarious.

There was the flawless one who wasn’t as flawless as you’d think.

And the ones already on their knees.

This one was dropping expo.

Pure, unadulterated happiness.

And this one is saying there will be no debts.

Just. Have. Breast.

Proceed with caution.

Bow down ladies.

Just epp.

Start saving for bride price guys.

If it is marine spirit you want, come and collect.

Yes, yes. One woman can still be polygamy.

Meet a man with a plan.

This life is mysterious.

Get ready for the trip of your life.

@Vaness_ah professional driver at 10,000fts
Single to stupor
Breez specialist
Hopeless romantic🙄…Epp Mi pic.twitter.com/vFtoNjgk5n

— CaptainTimi (@Airmarshal_09) May 3, 2016

And meet the woman with the perfect plan to send you back to your village.

@Vaness_ah smart, will suck preeq, can cook. Boyfriend must send me 500k per month. Keep me anon please. pic.twitter.com/zx8vk5htP8

— Æsir (@Preshpretty) May 3, 2016

HOW CAN?????? The world is running out of rice!! No! Read this from Party Jollof

This is not a drill. The world really is running out of rice.


So here’s the problem. 60% of all the rice the world eats comes from Asia.


But currently, the climate is not in good terms with rice. The latest rice shortage is due to the El Nino system. In English, this is when the the water and winds are weirder than usual.


The grain stocks are forecast to plummet like the naira, to around 19 million tons by the end of this year. In 2013, the stocks were 43 million tons high.


It means since the supply is lesser and the demand is still high, the prices will go like this.


You know what that means for as a Nigerians, as people, it means no more Party Jollof.


Photos like these will be found only in museums.

(Bunmi Odunowo)

What stories shall we tell our children? Where will we find happiness and communion in the future? Is this a secret plan by Amala to take over the world?


But there’s a way to avert this disaster.
The Federal Government is saying they are taking action. Research suggests that Nigeria consumes an estimated 5.3 million metric tons of milled rice annually. Because the local supply cannot meet demand, we need to import around 2 million metric tons. This makes us the second largest importer of rice worldwide.


But the new Minister for Agriculture is not playing.
He says they are taking steps for us to become completely self-sufficient by the end of this year. And who knows, by next year, we can start exporting and saving the world, one bag of rice at a time.


Fellow Nigerians, it is time to take action and secure the happiness of our children. We must rise up and demand that the government make it happen, by any means necessary.