Some months back, I saw a group of people parade a young girl who was allegedly raped the previous night. The girl, who had travelled to see her aunty, was unsure of the address and arrived late. While trying to get directions, the girl ended up in the wrong hands. She was not only robbed of her belongings, but also sexually assaulted. I watched from the front of the chemist where I stood as people surrounded her. Amidst her tears were snarky remarks, mean accusations from a crowd of women and men (which probably included her abusers). People were pointing at her gown, asking her why she arrived to visit her aunty late at night. The only statement I heard from the policeman that stood watching was, “don’t mind her, this is how they run to our office everyday… rape, rape, rape, these girls, they know what they want.”
I know another victim who is a student, just like me. How her story had circulated? Nobody seemed to know her name aside from the fact she was an English student and that she was the girl that was raped, that was how everyone referred to her. She was well known owing to the rape story. Everyone seemed to wish that it would ‘tighten’ her a little, since most people accused her of being loose. Instead of empathy, mockery was the case with her story. Most conversations about her started with “you know that girl they raped…”
Mathew is one of the teenagers in my area, it was easy to identify him in a crowd, and Mathew swung his hands rapidly when he walked, he was effeminate. He smiled a lot and greeted everyone with as much enthusiasm as a blushing bride to her new in-laws. Like wild fire, the story of Mathew being raped by an older woman, who lived three compounds away from him spread. The only action that accompanied his claims was laughter, jokes and hatred for Mathew. He became a liar to everyone due to the fact that the woman accused of raping him denied it.
Once, I walked through the market with my younger sister and an elderly woman walked up to me, held the hand of my tank top and said, “this is meant for your bedroom and inside your compound, now if somebody touch you small, you will start claiming rape. See what you girls use to cause for yourselves.” She hissed and walked away, I stood there as my heart sank with disgust at her short sermon. As innocent as a tank top is, she saw it as an excuse for someone to want to commit the crime of rape.
I have, numerous times, read through comments and eavesdropped when insatiable souls have thought of rape as a cure for lesbians. Those men see their penis as a tool to cause a change of heart in women that are lesbians.
We are in a society where people choose to blame mothers and daughters for crimes committed against their daughters. Where questions like ‘what were you wearing?’ ‘Why were you out at that time?’ ‘What were you doing there?’ are used to accuse victims. We are in a society where we unconsciously tell rapists it is okay to unleash their monstrous desire on any improperly dressed girl. We ignore young boys’ claims of rape because it does not matter. There is a great injustice to boys that are victim of rape because society expects them to be strong enough not to be raped. Society creates a love for silence in victims. The victims have a desire to resist hostility, blame and not hear the “it was your fault” accusation. Silence in cases like these is only golden to the offender. To the victim, it may feel like an act of consent or approval of the crime committed against them. The love, support and fight for justice that should be given to victims have been traded for accusations; while a manuscript of defensive words have been handed to the offenders. What is wrong can never be right and what is wrong should have no justification. Silence is only golden when you are in a conversation with God or get caught up in an argument with fools. Silence becomes consent when you watch your offender parade the streets, smile around freely and even wave at someone standing in the same corner as you are. When you know your words could put them in a place where they face hard labor and would likely result in deep, sober reflection, where they can’t repeat the crime against another. Sometimes, it is the fear that the court rooms would not even step up to fight for us. There is fear of stigmatization and the fear of being neglected. Rape is a serious offense. Our society’s neglect of issues like these and the choice of words that have been used to condemn victims rather than offenders is fast becoming an approval of these crimes. There are victims who choose to swim in resentment, go to bed with a cold sense of exhaustion, pain and anxiety just because, when they speak, they are afraid of what people might say. We need to change the way we collectively think of rape in our society. Don’t let your words be the reason for someone else's silence!
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